Would you excuse me? I have to go feed my llama
by mllepickle
Summary: Set after book 7, Startled By His Furry Shorts. Georgia is back once again with even more confessions and boy problems... Masimo is obviously the luuuurve god, but what about Dave the nip libbler and Robbie the guitar plucker? Chapter nine up!
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

**Sunday September 27**

**My room**

**11 am**

Sitting in my bed, reflecting on life. I feel like an ancient Greek philosopher.

Except for the part about being ancient. And Greek.

**One minute later**

God, philosophy is boring. What is the point of it anyway?

**30 seconds later**

All this thinking is making my head hurt. I must feed my soul.

**2 minutes later**

Mmmmmm cheesy snacks… Amazingly I can still taste with all my tragicosity. Why does life have to be so utterly crap?

Just when life is good, and I'm about to be the girlfriend of a luuuuurve god, Robbie must show up, like a guitar plucking showy-up thing. I must never think of that night again. It will be a secret I will conceal beyond the grave.

**One minute later**

Well since you insist, I guess I will tell you. Seeing as I will become a lesbian outcast who lives in the monastery singing crap songs like "The hills are alive," it won't matter anyway whether I keep it a secret or not.

It went like this:

Masimo, the luuuuurve god asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course my answer was yes, yes, and thrice yes! Then I would rush into his arms and he would say "Oh Caro! You have made me so happy!" or something romantic like that and we would live happily ever after!

But ohhh no. Robbie has to make a surprise appearance. He was smiling and looking all sex-goddy like. I had forgotten how gorgey he was. Masimo turned and said "Ciao." Robbie said "Ciao." Then he turned to me and said, "Hey Georgia," in his dreamy voice. It was then that my brain fell out and I just stood there paralyzed. And then, out of Robbie's car comes a really gorgey blonde model. I can't even deny it – she was really, really beautiful. Then Robbie said, "Georgia, I'd like you to meet…"

And then I said, "Would you excuse me? I have to go feed my llama," and ran all the way home.

In a skirt, which believe me, was not easy.

**11:15 am**

Llama?!

**11:17 am**

Libby burst into my room, nearly knocking the door over. What I mean to say is the dresser, chair and lamp (that I purposefully used to block the door) along with the door itself nearly came crashing on top of me. I was sure it was the end.

"Heggo Gingey! It's me Libbbbbyyyyyy!!! I have a pwesent for you!!"

"Libsy, Georgia has a head ache… Why don't you go play with Angus –"

"Shhh! Bad boy!"

I must say, she is very strong for a toddler. Then she gave me her "pwesent" which turned out to be Gordy tied up in a plastic bag. When she gave him to me he went ballistic. He jumped off the bed, nearly taking my hand off with him, and went crazy trying to get out of the bag. Which I imagine is quite difficult with crosseyedithimus.

"Bibsy, Gordy doesn't like —"

"Shh! Move over, bad boy!" and she got into bed with me.

**11:30 am**

Phone rang. I'm not answering it. In fact, I may never go anywhere again if Libby has anything to do with it.

**5 seconds later**

Phone rang again. Stop ringing!!

**15 seconds later**

I have just heard a thump from my mutti and vati's bedroom, followed by vati swearing and using language not fit for my ears. That is in fact what I told him.

"Vati, that language is not fit for my sister Liberty and me."

He said, "Bugger off. I wouldn't have hurt myself getting out of bed rushing to the phone if SOMEBODY would move their lazy arse!!" Which I thought was a bit harsh, seeing as I am full of tragicosity. And happen to be pinned to my bed by Libby. Well, let him say what he will. Rave on, old portly one.

**12 pm**

Doorbell rang. I'm not answering it.

**30 seconds later**

It doesn't appear to matter, for Jas has let herself in, along with the Ace Gang. They pulled me out of bed, along with Libby who was still clinging to me.

"We're calling an emergency Ace Gang meeting," said Rosie.

"Okay – but does Sven have to come too?"


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

**Ace Gang Headquarters (aka my room)**

**12:15 pm**

After countless bribes and much struggle, we have managed to get rid of Libby.

Jools said, "The Ace Gang will come to order. And now, an introductory Viking inferno dance to commence!!"

I think I deserve some praise for how I was able to do a Viking inferno dance even in my time of sadinosity. It actually cheered me up. A little.

**12:22 pm**

"… So then I just ran off," I said, finishing my story. I hadn't meant to tell it, seeing as it's a story I vowed never to tell beyond the grave. But I started blubbling and felt I had to let it out.

"Blimey…" said Rosie thoughtfully, munching on a cheesy snack. The Ace Gang nodded wisely.

"Oy!" said Sven.

**12:45 pm**

Operation glaciosity.

Objective: Become a gorgeous but reserved Sex-Goddess boy magnet, wanted by everyone but devoted to her one and only. (Yes, red bottom, that means you are not welcome.)

Step one: Robbie is yesterday's news. Show glaciosity and maturiosity to make him wish he had never dumped the Sex-Goddess to go snog sheep in Kiwi-a-gogo-land.

Step two: Become Masimo's girlfriend and try not to ramble on about llamas.

Step three and beyond: To be discussed at a later date.

Ro Ro said, "Court will resume in… whenever we, er, see appropriate. And now, a Viking inferno departure dance!"

**1:30 pm**

The Ace Gang have left. Or rather, Sven has left carrying all the Ace Gang. Yes, ALL of them. He must be made of steel or something.

**2:13 pm**

Operation glaciosity, here I come!!

**2 minutes later**

This is not going to be easy. But it's either this or pretending I'm a llama owner/fanatic for the rest of my life.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

**Monday, September 28**

**My room**

**8:00 am**

Up at the crack of dawn. It cannot be healthy for teens to be getting up in the middle of the night just to go to Stalag 14. We are not able to enjoy our, whatsit, _joie de vivre. _Perhaps I will mention this to Slim, tell her our plight…

**8:27 am**

Jas was waiting at the gate, adjusting her fringe. I don't know why she bothers – the way I see it, a fringe in need is, well, a fringe in need.

**8:35 am**

Oh blimey. There's Dave the Laugh across the street. He is not part of Operation Glaciosity, seeing as I didn't include him in my story to the Ace Gang. I knew they would call me a red-bottomed minx and that they wouldn't buy Dave's "theories" about teens and uncontrollable desires and whatnot. And at any rate, I didn't want to provoke Ellen.

**8:36 am**

Wow! Dave just walked on by! No hello or anything… I hope he simply didn't see us?

**8:37 am**

I mentioned it to Jas about Dave the Laugh ignoring us, and she said, "Gee, that's not Dave the Laugh!! It's one of the Foxwood Lads!!" and she burst into hysterical laughter.

"Honestly Jas, I think I know Dave–"

Crikey. I think Jas is possibly right for the first time in her life. They must be identical or something. Either that or I am losing my mind – which believe me, I wouldn't be surprised to hear.

**Break**

"So, er, do you think, well it didn't look like, well do you? I mean do you think that Dave, you know, er you know, well did he like –"

Rave on, Ellen, Rave on.

Rosie said, "Ellen, forget about Dave. There was much girlfriendy / boyfriendy action there."

Jas said, "Yeah, forget about him. You're way too good for him."

Ellen said, "Did anyone, you know, er see him since? Like was Emma... you know… well you know, with him?"

Jas laughed (scary). "Well Gee saw him this morning!!" and she laughed for England. "Hahahahahahaha she thought one of the Foxwood Lads was him!!!" The gang all laughed for what seemed like hours.

Cheers, thanks a lot, Radio Jas.

**Maths**

Rosie is passing around pictures of "Wedding Gowns" and asking people to vote on the best one for her "wedding".

I wasn't aware that there were fur wedding dresses.

**4:30 pm**

**Walking home with Jas.**

Jas was playing with her fringe again. She is so vair vair annoying. While she was busy with that, I took the opportunity to practice my walk and smile. Tongue behind teeth, nose not spreading all over my face… It is very difficult work being a heartless Sex-Goddess boy magnet!

Suddenly Jas held my arm.

"Look, Jas, I just don't feel that way about you…"

"Gee! I think that's Tom!! Oh my god oh my god… I'm in my school uniform!!"

So I stood as her 'wall', casually flicking my hair and smiling with my tongue behind my teeth to prevent nose spreddage. Five million years later, Jas was ready, with her skirt rolled up and her lippy on.

Tom was walking really slowly with his head hanging low, which made Jas nearly have a nervy b.

"I hope he is okay? What if he is going to Kiwi-a- OH NO! HE CAN'T BE GOING TO KIWI-A-GOGO LAND CAN HE?? Or... or… what if he… what if he wants to break up???!!!!"

Good lord.

**4:35 pm**

Crikey. Tom barely noticed us. When he finally did, he said, "Hey," and didn't even snog Jas, which I could tell made her spaz inside. I swear I saw her lips flinch.

**4:38 pm**

I have left the not-so-happy couple alone.

Tom has been fired.

And even though he is a vegetable lover and happens to be the brother of my ex-boyfriend whose name I will never mention beyond the grave, I sort of feel badly for him. I mean, after all, he does love vegetables.

**5:30 pm**

Jas phoned. She was sniffling and blowing her nose about every two seconds. Apparently, the grocer is being bought out by a huge supermarket or something, and they had to fire all their employees.

"But Tom (sniff) told me he would rather be fired than work for the nasty (sniff sniff) supermarket. He is so strong, I am so proud of him!! (sniff) He didn't even cry!! He even said to me…" and she rambled on for England. Make that all of Europe. "… but, oh Gee! (sniff sniff) He was all upset… and… and… he well he said that… (sniff sniff)…"

All the world needs: another Ellen. But I didn't say that, as I knew I would get the silent treatment of my life.

"Listen, Jazzy Spazzy…"

"Don't call me that."

"Okay. Listen to your pally! I know you're upset about not getting any more free vegetables anymore but…"

"YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU??? All you care about is yourself and your stupid 'sex-gods'!!" and she slammed down the phone.

Crikey.

Phone rang. It was Jas again. "And at least I PRETENDED to care about all your boy 'problems'!!!" and she slammed down the phone yet again.

Honestly, she is so selfish. And childish.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

**Tuesday, September 29**

**On my way to Jas' house**

**8:30 am**

On my way to meet miss Huffy Knickers. Expecting the silent treatment of my life because I listened to her ramble on for ages… and possibly made a comment about vegetables…

Here I go.

**8:37**

I ran to catch up to Jas… until I realized that she hadn't sped up to get away from me. In fact, she was just there, waiting for me like nothing had happened.

But with all my intelligenciosity, I had come up with a plan. _I _would ignorez-vous _her. _ See?? Do you see?? I mean, she did say that she didn't care about _my _problems, so why should I care about hers??

We walked along in silence for what seemed like eternity.

"Gee?"

SHE SPOKE!!! Yessssssss!! I won!! Hardiharharharharharharhar and also Ha!

Even as I was congratulating myself inwardly, I refused to answer Jazzy Spazzy. I am standing strong, like a… oh I don't know something that is strong. Operation Silent Treatment has begun.

I girded my loins and didn't respond.

"I just thought I'd let you know that I forgive you. For saying what you said… it hurt my feelings…." She rambled on for England, "But then I realized that you are living in a … very, er, different family, and I realized that well you didn't know any better. I mean, it's not your fault you've been raised to be a selfish pig."

SELFISH PIG!!!????

Honestly. _She_ is forgiving _me??_!! Has she forgotten what she said to me on the phone??!!! Didn't she say that she didn't care about my boy problems? Who was being selfish then???

_Girdy loins girdy loins... _ I held my ground and didn't respond, even though I was very tempted. I went for the maturiosity approach. Nose sucked in, chin held up high… If only Masimo could see me now… just beaming maturiosity.

"Oh come onnnnnnnn Gee! Honestly you're being such a... a… a… nincompoop!"

Oh good one! Not.

"Fine! Don't say anything Gee! See if I care!! I don't take it back – I listen to all of your problems, but you never listen to mine. But… let's just call it even okay?"

_Yeah, totally! _Not. I sped up. She sped up. I ran. She ran. I ran into Dave the Laugh. She, well, didn't.

"Hey… whoa Sex Kitty… I know I'm gorgeous, but…" I was certain this time that it WAS Dave. Honestly, he is so full of himself. Behind him were a few young girls in a circle all blushing and pointing at Dave.

He was looking groovy, as usual. I could see Jas ogling me like an ogling ogler.

"What's the matter, Kitty Kat?? I mean, have I taken your breath away? And your speech along with it?"

Jas looked at me with angry eyes. Oh so scary. Not. I could tell she was listening, but pretending not to.

I just looked at him. He looked back at me. I gave him my meanest look. He gave me his meanest look. He is so cute. If there was no Masimo or no Sex God, I might consider actually going out with him. I mean, he is after all the king of Nip Libbling. UHHHH. Lip Nibbling. That's what I meant. And he is also the Hornmeister…

Jas was ogling me more than ever. Damn. She must think I'm flirting with him? Am I?

"Oh, uh, Dave… I have to go – Don't want to be late for Stalag 14!! Hahahah…" I laughed uncertainly at the end. Oh that must have sounded so attractive.

Dave raised his eyebrows, like he wasn't believing my excuse to get away from him. I raised my eyebrows back. Ohh my giddy god… maybe I was flirting with him?? I felt my face getting red. I started looking into his lips… girdy loins girdy loins…I haven't snogged for ages… I do love that Nip Libbling that he does…

OKAY, FOCUS. Maturiosity at all times. The Italian Stallion is my one and only. Maybe a yoga mantra would help… 'Masimo is my one and only. Masimo is my one and only. Masimo is my one and only…'

It's not working. I still feel myself looking into his lips….

Okay, I better just leave. Now. Just a casual, "see you later, Dave" would do.

"Ok. See you later, Nip."

OH MY GIDDY GOD'S TROUSERS!!! I JUST SAID WHAT I WAS THINKING!!! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!! I never felt so embarrassed in my life.

He chuckled, and walked off.

And I ran all the way to the school doors.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

**Stalag 14**

**Math**

**10:13**

Top reasons why my life is so utterly crap:

- Math is utterly crap

- Stalag 14 is crap

- Ro Ro's 'wedding'

- I have been snogless for YEARS. I think my lips are loosing their snogability.

- Did you hear me? I HAVE NOT SNOGGED FOR YEARS. Pretty self explanatory I think.

- Ellen is poking me every few seconds asking me if I have seen Dave. I continue to display maturiosity and say no.

- Dave. Me. Outside the school. Jas ogling me like an ogling ogler. Me blushing like a blushing thing. I think you know what I mean.

- Nobody cares. I'm depressed and nobody thinks to ask me "Are you okay, Gee?"

**One minute later**

Seeing as I have nothing better to do, I'm going to start my Math homework.

**30 seconds later**

I hate math.

**1 minute later**

Why do they use such a weird font in the Math textbook? I can barely read the questions. Next thing I knew Hawkeye was looking over my shoulder. "Call me crazy, but am I actually seeing you doing your math homework?"

Honestly!

"And 3² is not 36."

Huh? I could swear it says 6²... I looked back at my textbook. God, I can barely read it. I wonder if anyone else noticed the weird font. "But Miss Hawk- Heaton, doesn't it say 6²?" She eyed me suspiciously.

I looked back at the textbook. I noticed that I was squinting. How can everybody read this?

"Er, Georgia, what does this say?" She pointed to the page. She must have noticed me squinting…

"4³."

She said, "Follow me, miss Nicholson."

**10 minutes later**

"For the twentieth time, Mum, I do NOT need glasses, nor will I EVER need glasses or on that note, I will never WEAR glasses."

"Now Georgia, as I have said before, we will just go see Dr. Cl--, I mean our doctor, and get your eyes checked. We'll talk about this after school."

"But mummmmmmmmmmmmm! I DO NOT WANT GLASSES!!"

Then my darling mother gave me her sternest look, which is hard to take seriously, seeing as she is wearing her shortest skirt and a belly top.

"We will talk about this _later._ Get back to class."

"But-"

"NOW!"

**Break**

"So you may need glasses?" said Ro Ro.

"Yes."

"Blimey."

"I know."

"But that would mean --"

"I know."

**4:30 p.m.**

Jas and I were walking out of the school gates, when we saw them. Tom and Robbie. And behind them, standing near her car, was my mother, with her gigantic basoomas and her slutty outfit, calling "Hey Gee!"

Oh. My. Giddy. God. HELP!!!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

**Dr. Clooney's waiting room**

**5:00 p.m.**

I can't believe my life.

**2 minutes later**

I am on the rack of life, about to burn from the heat.

**2 seconds later**

Whilst I _could _have been snogging with the Sex God at this moment, I might add.

**1 minute later**

I don't even need glasses. And as I have said before, I will not in a million years wear glasses. Personally, I think the matter is settled. But my mutti does not seem to think so, as she sits beside me in her short skirt, basoomas blowing in the wind (there is no wind in here, mind you, but if there were, her basoomas would be wild and free, let me assure you), and putting on makeup. Honestly, she has no pridenosity.

**5 minutes later**

"Mrs. Nicholson?"

"Yes?"

"The doctor is ready to see you."

"Thank you." She leapt out of her seat, and pulled me along with her. I nearly broke a nail. She is so thoughtless.

**A million years later**

"So, Connie," _(Connie?!) _"I think that Georgia may need glasses." My mother nodded like there was no tomorrow. "If you like, I could refer you to an optometrist. We actually have one in the office, and I might be able to sneak you in today…" He winked at my mother. Oh lord.

My mother blushed and said, "Oh doctor, you're a lifesaver!"

"It is no problem at all, let me assure you. Anything for my regulars." He winked again. Erlack! "Oh, and by the way, how did Libby recover from her cold last week?"

"Oh, doctor, that cold medicine worked like a charm!!" Duh. "She is her lively self again! Thank you so much!"

"Anytime. Honestly, come in anytime. I can always make an opening." He gave her a sexy smile. Erlack a pongoes!

**Another five million years later**

We have finally left the office.

"Well, Gee, you will have your glasses soon! Isn't that wonderful? And it's all because of Dr Clooney…" She dazed a bit at the mention of his name. "He's so nice, isn't he?"

"Mhm."

"And he saw you the same day I called! He is such a gentleman, don't you think?"

"Mhm."

"So, tomorrow we will go and order your glasses. I want your father to help choose the glasses. This is exciting!!"

I just looked at her.

**6:00 p.m.**

Phoned Jas.

"Jas."

"Hmph."

"Aren't you going to ask if I need glasses?"

"Mhm."

"Jas!!"

"Mhm?"

"What are you doing?!"

"Can I call you back? Harry is in trouble –"

"Wait, who?"

"Harry Potter… I'm in a really tense part—"

I put the phone down. If she wants to put Harry Potter before her bestie then so be it. See if I care!

**One minute later**

Which I don't.

**2 minutes later**

Bugger! I wanted to ask Jas about what happened once I left. Well I guess I will never know seeing as I'm not talking to her. She will learn not to put books before friends.

**1 minute later**

Phoned Jas.

"Jas."

"Gee—"

"I'm just letting you know I forgive you."

"But—"

"I need glasses."

She was quite literally speechless.

**10 minutes later**

"Georgia if you don't get off the phone in one minute, you're going to have to start paying the bills! You treat this house like a bloody—"

"Oh? What noise? Oh, that's just my vati speaking absolute wubbish."

"Georgia Nicholson, I swear, if you are not—"

"Look, Jazzy, I have to go. My vati is trying to discipline us. I know. Complete insanity. I better go. Au revoir, _ma belle_."

My vati, by that time, was fuming. I could almost see smoke coming from his ears. I am not kidding. I ran up to my room and shut the door.

**2 minutes later**

What a help Jas is. Not.

Apparently, when I ran off late for my job at the bakery, he didn't even look twice. I say apparently because Jas was clearly blinded by Tom and therefore did not notice what Robbie did, in my opinion.

But the blonde model was nowhere to be seen. That has to be a good sign. Ish. After that I had to listen to ten minutes of wubbish about how Tom is doing, where he is working… like I said, absolute wubbish. Apparently he is missing his job, but is now working as a camp instructor. I couldn't be bothered to ask specifics, as I have too much on my mind.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

**Wednesday, September 30 **

**In the glasses store, against my will**

**5:00 p.m.**

"Oh, Gee look at these! They're on sale!"

"Mutti, darling… have I mentioned yet that I am NOT in a MILLION YEARS ever going to wear glasses?"

"Don't be silly, Gee. The _Dr –"_she seemed to daydream as she mentioned him, "recommended you get glasses, and that's exactly what we're doing. Here, try these on."

"I see how it is. If Dr. Clooney were jumping off a bridge, would you go too?"

"Don't be silly Gee. Of course I would."

Dear Lord.

**2 minutes later**

"OH GEE! Look at these! They are so cheap!"

"Mutti, those look like Larry Potter glasses. I will never, ever wear those."

"Just try them on."

"NO."

She literally forced them onto my face. Ouch!

"Oh they're perfect!! Bob! BOB! Come here! I've found the perfect ones!"

She must have found the cheapest pair in the whole store. It's so nice knowing how much my parents care for me.

"Mutti, these are Larry–"

"See, Bob? Aren't they perfect! And they will barely cost us anything!!"

"The love is too much, Mutti. It's so nice to know how much you care. Can we _PLEASE _leave this store and check out the _designer_glasses store??"

"Don't be silly Gee. These are perfect!"

"Can I PLEASE just get contacts? Or how about this? NOT GET GLASSES AT ALL! See? I'm trying to save you money and you –"

"We'll take them," my Vati said to the sales clerk.

**My room**

**6:00 p.m.**

It is settled. I am never coming out of my room.

**2 minutes later**

"Georgia Nicholson!!!!!! GET YOUR BLOODY ARSE DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"

"Sorry, Vati, I have an unfortunate medical condition which disables me from exciting my room as I please."

"GEORGIA NICHOLSON, the dishes will not clean themselves!!!!"

"Then I feel very sorry for them. But, as I said before –"

Then I heard some smashing. Oh dear, I hope the old loon hasn't injured himself.

"THAT CAT HAS GOT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

**Same bat place**

**Same bat time**

**Same bat Larry Potter glasses**

I wonder what Masimo is doing now?

**1 minute later**

I know what he's not doing, and that's trying on ugly glasses in front of the mirror.

**2 seconds later**

Though if he _was, _I'm sure they would look better than these.

**5 minutes later**

Is it just me, or do they somehow make my nose look even bigger than usual?

**1 minute later**

There, much better.

Must ALWAYS remember to suck nose in.

**1 minute later**

Why hasn't Jas phoned? She knows that I'm going through a mid-teen crisis!

Has she no heart?!

Well, I'll tell you, I will not be phoning HER anytime soon.

**1 minute later**

Phoned Jas.

"Jas."

"What?"

"Is that all you have to say? Your best pally is going through a MID-TEEN CRISIS and all you can say is WHAT?!"

Silence.

"Jas?"

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm waiting for you to get to the point, because Tom and I are going fishing soon at-"

"Fishing?!"

Jas got all huffy.

"Well yes! I bet you don't know that there are some very interesting new species at this time of year! Tom said—"

"Jas, I don't want to talk about pond life. I am in the middle of a—"

I don't believe it! SHE HUNG UP ON ME!

**2 minutes later**

Well, let me tell you. _She _will be receiving the silent treatment of her life for this!

**Thursday, October 1**

**8:20 a.m.**

"Gee? Are you up? GEE! GET UP! IT'S 8:20!!"

Uh-oh.

**8:25 a.m.**

Hurry hurry, pant pant.

Brush teeth, hair, Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder…

Pant pant down the stairs.

Pant pant out the door—

"Gee! Don't forget your glasses!" Oh bugger.

"Mutti-"

"Here, put them on… There, very nice."

In too much of a hurry to argue. I'll take them off when I get outside.

**Stalag 14**

Saved by the bell

Well, not quite.

Old stick legs …

Blimey O'Reilly's trousers! Is that _Robbie _she's snogging?!

Just then Ro Ro linked arms with me and dragged me inside.

**Maths**

Robbie…Stick legs… Snogging…

"So the answer is… Georgia?"

Snogging… Stick legs…

"Georgia?"

No forehead… Guitar plucker…

"MISS NICHOLSON?!"

Oh. Right. Maths.

"Umm… ysnog— I mean y uhhhh 24?"

"Incorrect. Pay attention."

In an effort to relieve stress, I take out my nail file.

**4:30 p.m.**

Ignorez-vousing Jas.

"Gee?"

I stare straight ahead.

"I… I just wanted to say… that I quite like your glasses. Very chic." 

I just looked at her.

What in the name of pantyhose?! Have I been wearing them all day?! NO WONDER I WAS GETTING WEIRD LOOKS!!

I quickly tear them off.

"Gee? Is something bothering you?"

Just then, we walk out the school doors.

Oh. My. Giddy. God.

**1 minute later**

"Jas…J-jas… JAS?! Did she REALLY just get into the car WITH ROBBIE?!"

"Yes."

"And did he really just kiss her on the cheek?"

She linked arms with me and pulled me away.

**My room**

In my bed of pain.

And confusion.

And tragicosity.

And…

**1 minute later**

Why is my life so vair vair complicated? Others have it so easy…

**1 minute later**

Okay.

So Robbie is going out with Wet Small Forehead Stick Legs Sticky-out Ears Lindsay.

I'm going out with Masimo!

Possibly.

So why should it matter? Robbie can go out with Nauseating P. Green for all I care.

**2 minutes later**

I've matured. I've moved on. Let's not forget that heleft me to go snog sheep in Kiwi-a-gogo-land.

They deserve each other. They are both part of my past. I'll take the yoga approach – just let it go. Ohhmmmmmmmm.

**1 minute later**

WHY?! Why oh why do things like this always happen to me?!

**1 minute later**

Okay.

Robbie can go out with Lindsay.

I _will _go out with Masimo. (I must call him or something. No more of this dwelling and worrying nonsense.)

And Dave can go out with Ellen for all I care.

**1 minute later**

Where did THAT come from? Get out of my head, Dave the so-called Laugh.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

**Same bat day**

**Same bat time**

**Same, horrible bat Larry Potter curse**

STILL in my bed of pain.

**1 min later**

Literally.

Libby has just barged in with all of her "fwends"…

Need I say more?

**5:30 p.m.**

Phone rang. I'm not answering it.

**2 minutes later**

Why oh WHY am I so cursed?

Maybe I am meant for the nun life.

**1 minute later**

I'm sure the nuns would be vair, vair impressed that I am still standing after all I've been through.

**1 minute later**

They'd probably be very supportive friends.

Better than CERTAIN friends.

Though I'm not mentioning any names… JAS.

**5 minutes later**

Seriously, why hasn't she called?

She just left me at her house, assuming I'd be okay.

For all she knows, I could have cried my way home and been hit by a bus!

And she's not at all worried.

Great friend she is!

**2 seconds later**

What should I do?

**10 minutes later**

Vati barged in to my room.

Hasn't he heard of knocking?

**2 seconds later**

…Oh god.

With uncle Eddie.

They were both laughing like loons, and appeared to be wearing some sort of leather suit.

I am not kidding.

**1 minute later**

Apparently they have both bought antique motorcycles.

And will be driving around town.

In public.

Mutti ran upstairs, breathless, no doubt trying to talk some sense into them.

**30 seconds later**

Oh god, not her too.

"Aren't they great, Gee?! I never knew leather was so _comfortable_!!!! Won't you be proud of your _chic _parents in the neighbourhood?!"

The three of them stared at me, nodding in approval.

I said, "You're kidding, right?"

**1 minute later**

The elderly mad have finally left my bedroom.

They are going to buy some 'groceries', and instead of, perhaps, driving a CAR, they decided it would be great fun to take their motorcycles.

And of course, their basket attachments.

Mutti walked back into my room, putting on her helmet.

"We shouldn't be too long, honey." _(honey?!) _"We'll be back in time for supper.

Oh, and that lad called again-"

"Who?"

"Oh, you know, that guy… whatshisname… Massy? Moss? Something like that?"

Masimo called.

'Again'.

"Mutti, how many times has he called?!"

"Oh, haven't I told you? He's been calling for the past few days…"

Honestly, _what _are mothers for? Aren't they supposed to _tell _you these things?!


End file.
